calicoat | 🏴‍☠️ IC contact; Duplicity

You're not sick, John. Surely you've been exposed to this place enough to know that nearly everyone has the same desires as you. You don't have to be afraid of them.

Though, if it is just me, you might as well tell me about the things you want that I haven't managed to guess yet. Make the most of it.

[ Of course, he knows exactly what he's talking about with the fucked up dreams and whoring for demons bit, but he will simply pretend he doesn't. ]

It can't escalate too much further, anyhow, you've only got so many holes.

[ It seems doubtful Irving could ever be exposed to Duplicity "enough" to not still find many -- most -- of his desires to be sick indeed, and it doesn't really matter that he's not the only one; he's supposed to be above all that, he's supposed to simply be built different from all the rest of the world's perverse and twisted masses, both back where he comes from as well as here in Duplicity.

Still, he manages to extract some mild comfort from Jack's attempt to reassure him. It's a thoughtful gesture, anyway. ]

I do not know that either. You know how I am.

[ Inexperienced; puritanical; shy; too naive to know much; too repressed to articulate it.

He gives it some thought, though, because Jack does make a good point; if this dalliance between them will be continuing as it's been for the foreseeable future, perhaps, indeed, they might as well make the most of it.

Considering the dreams again (he can't help it, not after bringing them up, and especially not after that comment Jack just made), his mind drifts past all the demons and devils taking turns with him this time, thinking instead back to his angel costume, how nice it had felt to wear before his dreams turned it into a skimpy, torn and ruined thing-- a reminder of better times, as well, those earlier hours of Terror's Carnivale before it all went to (figurative) Hell.

Too embarrassed to bring that up in any kind of detail, though, much too ashamed, given that it's far too queer a thing to want with actual sincerity. So then, he'll be vague: ]

I could always...Wear Something. If that sort of thing would suit you.

[ He can patiently wait for a response while Irving spirals. Fine. Having this conversation at all is some kind of progress, after all, even if what he does come up with strikes Jack as...odd. He'll hear it out, though. ]

Wear something? Like what?

Edited 2022-03-13 00:51 (UTC)

It was merely a Thought little more than only a Simple Hypothetical in fact.

[ Quickly backtracking, losing some of his nerve before he manages to force himself to renew his efforts-- improvising, ironically, something no less humiliatingly lewd to mention, but in fact somewhat rather more so: ]

You once mentioned Something which can be worn that would hold me open for your...use, as such; so perhaps that could be Of Interest, or else Something Like It.

As well as Something that will help prevent me from responding physically to Impure Thoughts at all -- let alone Pleasure; let alone being made to expel from it.

Tell me more about that.

Anal plugs? Sure. You can put it in before we meet, so you'll be good and ready when I get there.

Why would you want not to be able to respond to it?

Tell you more about which. Was it not already rather clear that I have never used Either before?

And how would I go about acquiring one? Without Jopson hearing of it. He is Required to Confirm most of my Purchases.

There is Purity in Deprivation; in abstaining from Release. Obviously it is a Sin in itself to even be engaging in Relations outside of a Marriage at all -- worse still if it is simply for Purposes of Pleasure, not Procreation; and now worst of all that it's sodomy. Denying myself in this way is only but one Small Sacrifice I am happy to make in order to atone for my Behavior.

Whatever you want to wear for me, John.

I'll buy you one

but that is fucking insane, you know that?

It is not insane Jack. Nor, For The Record, am I either.

[ There's a long delay, then, before he is able to make himself go on further, needing to find the right way to put something not even he fully understands into words that can somehow make even a little sense. ]

Please Understand that this is not something I have ever Desired nor Yearned For carnally before -- that before it has only ever been as an Act of Merriment and Male Bonding that I have done this, which I hope you will keep in mind before you truly think me Sick.

[ As he's typing, working up enough boldness to continue, Irving remembers also the dream he'd had with Hickey, too, wearing a dress; not chaste and pure white lace like Irving had worn in his dreams of Hell, nor plain and modest like his skirt at Carnivale, but a bright, scandalous scarlet red.

Irving does not know what any of this means, if in fact it means anything at all, but he pushes it out of his mind for now. Takes a breath, presses forward: ]

I had thought maybe a...Dress, or a Skirt, and only just once of course. Unless that repulses you

Trying to atone for wanting it by not letting yourself enjoy it is insane. May as well just not bother, I can make my quota elsewhere.

[ As for the rest...Jack has to think about it. He isn't repulsed or scandalized by it, but it's not something that he would have considered, if Irving hadn't brought it up. Anne doesn't even wear dresses, and the men he's been attracted to thus far have mostly been of a more typically masculine persuasion. Rougher attitudes, harder muscles, bloodied hands.

Unusual, but nothing can shock him, after a few months living at a brothel. ]

I'm not repulsed.

Unless you intend to pretend you're a woman, so that you can pretend it isn't sodomy. I won't indulge that.

Jack please. This should not Concern you as it does. My Enjoyment is not dependent on emission -- I do not feel any Better for having done so.

[ Irving regrets this, he really does; it feels all wrong, and not even in the religious sense, but like his instincts were correct the first time in knowing better than to ask for something that feels so strange even to himself.

This entire conversation, in fact, feels like it's gone wrong somehow. Text is not the medium for having talks like this, it just feels dismissive and vaguely contentious to him, which in turn makes him feel more uncomfortable, more defensive, more self-conscious. ]

No. Not That. But please just forget that I brought it up at all; I think it would be for the best that we not bother. I lack any of the Right Words for explaining it.

Edited 2022-03-13 05:01 (UTC)

It does if I'm to be your partner. If you're not going to come, it should be because I've decided so, not because of some

I don’t know. Chastity belt?

Forget about that. What if I let you get hard, made you want it, fucked you right to the edge, until your thighs tremble and your toes curl, and THEN refused you?

We'll see how long you can go without touching yourself, and thinking of me.

Would you like that?

[ Oh.

Oh, okay. Well, forget about feeling dismissed and defensive, Irving's heart suddenly feels like it's risen up into his throat and then dropped right down to his stomach, heat flooding his face and spreading itself just south of his gut. ]

Yes. I would like that very much.

You would simply leave me there like that?

Prone, sweating, and dripping with my seed with nothing to show for it.

If I felt that you deserved it.

Yes...understandable.

I suppose if you Felt So Moved you could even use the plug on me as well -- so I would truly have No Choice but to Think Of You.

[ That's disgusting, Irving. It's also incredibly fucking hot. Congratulations, he never thought he'd get anything that nasty out of him in writing. ]

Keep my seed plugged up inside you? You'd wear it until you got home?

Greet your housemates like that? Holding the evidence of our dirty little secret?

Or would you wait for me until I'm ready to go again first?

[ Irving has to cover his face ("IRL," as they say) just reading that, because as lewd and shocking as this conversation is getting, he is already intensely turned on by it since about three comments ago. There's something different about getting it in writing, too, in knowing that he could read it over and over as much as he wanted to, if he wanted to.

Lowering his hands from his very red face, Irving gulps to himself, before slowly constructing his response. ]

When you say "go again First"...

Do you really mean to suggest that if I were to Wait for you then you would do it to me again a Second Time -- that I would instead be returning Home with TWICE the amount held within me until I could truly no longer stand it?

Because my Heavens Jack. I'm not sure I can even imagine anything more Unspeakably Filthy than that.

[ Read: Unspeakably Filthy ( interested ) ( aroused )... ]

If that sounds like a nice evening to you, then consider it a promise.

Yes. All right. Will you be available after the Week End?

Monday night?

I'll bring plugs and some good wine. You bring lube.

Then I will see you Monday Night.

🏴‍☠️ IC contact; Duplicity

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